Romantic vs. Reality
Where is the romantic version please!
I am cramped into a tiny blue seat 3285 km from my destination, somewhere over Iceland at the moment. The flight is headed to Detroit and then to Salt Lake City. Flying from London to the United States could sound romantic, but the reality is it just isn’t. Going to Interior Design School could sound romantic, but the reality is much more complex than that.
The reason for the flight is because I am going to Utah for MOHS surgery. It is to take care of a basal cancer cell on my upper lip area. Yes, they have doctors in London, but after a very long research into the public system, and a meeting with a private surgeon, the best solution was to take the 12 hour flight to a doctor that I know, and can trust. The absolute bonus of this ,not so fun, long flight for medical care is that I get to see my daughter! It has been 8 months since I have seen her and I can’t wait to touch her beautiful skin, kiss those checks, and snuggle her close. Incase you cannot tell I miss my family.
Moving to London to start Interior Design School might sound glamorous or romantic. The reality has been very different. When I think movie version of London, everyone has on beautiful clothes going to important places, with fabulous friends, and dining at delicious restaurants for dinner.
My reality has not matched up to that movie version. My clothes are fine, but nothing is the latest, after all I have been in a country for 3 three years where that is just not the priority. The important place I am going every day is school, I am starting to make friends, and I have not been out to any nice dinners or plays since I have arrived.
Moving is hard work, everyone knows that, add in changing countries-
Moving countries is HARD! It is so much work. In addition I am doing it alone. The parts that normally Carl would sort out are all up to me. It can feel lonely and hard. The reality of finding a place to rent where you don’t even understand the zip code system is totally daunting. Then you add the complexity of competing factors: distance to my school, the school that I think I want Ruby Jane to attend, cost, and cleanliness, the challenge is real. The first set of flats that I looked at to rent left me completely and totally depressed. They smelled bad, think mould, had lumpy stained mattresses, and cost so much money. I kept telling myself that this is ok, I can do hard things. The reality is I could not live somewhere that I never felt like I could relax and just be. A home has to be a place of retreat at the end of the day. So I persisted. It took several weeks but finally I am living in a flat that I really like. Everything has a compromise but all of the ones now, I can live with.
Then you have to be an adult and set up utilities, well that sounds simple, but seems like it could take on its on full time job status. I keep getting mail that tells me the landlords have not paid past bills, and utilities will be shut off. So I spend hours on-line, and on the phone trying to get things switched to my name and start paying just from the date that I moved in. After spending countless hours listening to that horrible hold music I would finally get a live person. I will go through the entire process explaining what I need, they take down my details, and then say they are going to put me through to the right person. More hold music, then 30 minutes later the line goes dead- it just hung up on me. I call back and start all over again, but now this person can’t figure out why my details are there but no account number, or which department they should send me to. I explain as patiently as I can, but get responses that are not logical and can’t actually progress. My morning is gone, exercise didn’t happen and it’s time to leave for school, so I will have to try again tomorrow. Then this whole process seems to repeat, but add in that they need a meter reading. I have no idea where the meter is. I finally find it outside but in a locked storage room, and can’t gain access. You would think that the landlords would provide all of this information, because they would want me to pay the bills, but I get no response. I feel like I am on a never ending gerbil wheel every day trying to do something as simple as set up my utility bill.
My flat did not come furnished except a few basics, a couch, a tiny table, and 2 beds. Well that is a start, but not what is required to actually live. I have no bedding, kitchen items, vacuum, lamps, etc. It is amazing what you can do without when you are 1 person. My yoga mat takes centre stage of the lounge area, looking through the large doors onto the backyard, this is good. I bought two canning jars, thinking they could be useful in the future when I actually have glasses to drink out of.
I’m tired:
Last night at 8 pm I was making chill, because I had this grand vision of making it 3 days ago, and now I am leaving in the morning and all of my ingredients will spoil while I am gone. The thought of having nice chilly in the freezer when I get home pushes me on. But it is difficult when you don’t own any measuring spoons, or can opener. All the things that I have taken for grated as being part of my life for the last several years now have to be re-purchased, re-decided which ones to buy and where? Thank you for amazon! (Sorry school that continues to receive so many packages for me, because guess what? They can’t just get packages at your house in London when you are not there, you won’t ever receive them, hum what to do about that?)
The constant decision making process has worn me down. Where to live, school for Ruby, how to navigate the medical system, and pay for need procedure. How to get life functioning so that I can just find a flow and rhythm to my day. I feel as if I am on consent high alert to understand my new surroundings and interpret them to make sense. I have found myself with a new OCD trait of repeatedly checking to make sure that I have the keys to the flat, I haven’t lost my bus pass, and my credit card is still safe in my backpack.
Turning Dreams into reality:
Having dreams and turning them into reality is not for the faint of heart. There is so much ‘stuff’ on the path that it often feels like it could be easier to give up. Retreating to the known feels so comfortable that I long for it at times. But there is no way that I would trade my life right now.
I LOVE school! I LOVE my friends at school! I LOVE the time that I spend creating ideas in my head on to a piece of paper so that they can be communicated. I had a meeting the director of the school this last week, and she said, ‘being a designer is about sharing what you believe’. That rang so true to me. I want to share what I believe to be valuable in a home or space for the people that will interact with it.
You have to have a strong WHY, to keep you motivated. I have my WHY, it is written on my wall to look at when I am studying. You have to want something badly enough that you are willing to let go of the romantic version and dig in on the reality of making it happen. Then when you think you are clear and strong on the path life throws a new curve ball, a required surgery, that will cost more money than it would take to manage all of all those details we need to furnish the flat. But you go with it, and think that my mason jar glasses work, and who needs a rug when you have a yoga mat.
3-D project at school using recycled material