The Decision to go to school

I will be going to IDS, Interior Design School, in London, starting September 16th.  This is a dream, that is becoming a reality.  This sounds very concise and simple- done! Going to school. The truth is there were many messy parts in the middle from the conception of this dream to reality.

I spoke in church about this decision.  I encouraged anyone that has a dream or something they have been thinking about to do it!  Make it a YES!  That God has given us all incredible talents and we are meant to use them to do great things. 

After church a friend came to talk to me, and with misty eyes said I think that talk was for me, I have been wondering what to do.  This women is beautiful, accomplished, and has amazing children.  I was surprised when she shared that she doesn’t feel capable enough, or have enough self confidence to go back to school even though she really wants to.  She asked how I decided to go to school, and I realised that in my talk, it sounded very linear and simplified- I just decided, and wah lah I was on my way. But nothing could be further from the truth.  So I am going to share about the process in hopes that it inspires someone else.  

Exploring, Wondering

I have wonder for the past 3 years what I wanted to do next in life?  I taught yoga before moving to Nelson and loved it, but it also felt more like a hobby than a career path.  By the time we moved I was wanting a break from teaching and so did not search out a job for it here.  But over the 3 years I have poked around with the idea of getting back into it. A good yoga class can be transformational, I have experienced many such moments.  I even was going to take on teaching yoga full time for a retreat centre in the Marlborough Sounds but it just never came to fruition. 

Awakening, a Guide

Over the past 2 years I have been having phone sessions with my dear friend and life coach, Anette.  She is awesome, and helped me see life from a place of clarity.  During these calls we sorted out messy emotions, talked about ‘my team’ of resources already in me, looked at past memories that were maybe holding me back, and I did A LOT of crying.  In 1 session we talked about my vision of what I wanted to do, and I described buying houses and fixing them up for lower income families, and doing it in a sustainable way.  

Pain. Opening 

Also during the 3 years that we have lived in Nelson I have traveled home several times because my Father had alzheimers and something would come up that I needed to be there with my family.  I often felt like I was waiting for the next ‘emergency’. That I did not need to sort out my own life because when your needed in these moments that it is all consuming.  So even though I very much lived life here in Nelson, there was always the possibility of needing to get on a plane at anytime and go. I traveled between New Zealand and the USA 7 times in 3 years.  That is a lot of time and money spent on flights.  There has not been much extra space in between organising logistics, going, and recovering from all the travel. 

My father passed on June 28th, and I was fortunate to arrive at the hospital 1 hour before passing- after 23 hours of travel.  

Exploring and permission

When I returned home from Utah I first felt like hibernating. We had a ski trip that had been planned previous to the funeral, and could not back out.  I am glad that we went, because all we did was eat, ski, and sleep-  I really needed that time for recovery.  I also had a very long and uncomfortable conversation with my husband. Fortunately it took place in one of the most gorgeous valleys on the South Island of New Zealand, so it is hard to stay angry in that kind of setting. This conversation was productive, which often they can be the opposite.  Instead we both were able to hear each other in a new way, and make more clear our needs going forward.

Then one of the last things was my oldest daughter giving me more than just encouragement, but permission to go.  That is another story, titled not walking, running home.  

Conclusion

All of these things worked in their own way to open the space for this next opportunity.  I still had to seek out the schooling, and apply, and take each next step along the way, but when it is right I have found that the universe opens the path.  It feels like each step is there, I just have to be wiling to take it, even when it feels scary or unstable.  When the time is not right, I feel like I look for the next step and instead there is a wall, that I just can’t find the way forward. Those times can be so frustrating, because it feels so messy and confusing. 

Carl has an illustration that he uses in his work, and was kind of enough to share with me for this post.  I think it so perfectly illustrates this process.  

We have an idea, and to take it from the simple idea to reality there is a whole pile of crazy in the middle.  When you come out the other side it seems so obvious and clear, but inside you feel like you will never get out.  

I feel like I am out on the side of elegant simplicity for the decision to go to school.  I realise though that the next decision about housing in London, or finding a job after are still on the simplistic side, and there is going to be all the crazy to sort those things out also.  It is confirming to have had the experience of a positive outcome,  I believe that next time it will also.